


A Crusader, a Bard, and a Bishop Walk Into a Bar...

by HazelGatoya



Series: My Constant State of Pitying Alphonse [4]
Category: Fire Emblem Heroes, Fire Emblem Series
Genre: "My Constant State of Pitying Alphonse" woooo, Drinking, F/M, Gen, Howl's Moving Castle reference at the end, It's Seliph's turn to withhold information HAHA, Lewyn is a terrible example, Saias actually losing his temper, Saias is frustrated with being nerfed, Some of the above are just mentioned or show up in the background, These three are roommates, couldn't resist
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-10
Updated: 2019-06-10
Packaged: 2020-04-24 06:01:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,072
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19167259
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HazelGatoya/pseuds/HazelGatoya
Summary: And proceed to try every sort of Askran alcohol there is.Or: Saias is frustrated, Seliph doesn't like confrontation, and Lewyn decides to take matters into his own hands. It's their own fault for agreeing to this.





	A Crusader, a Bard, and a Bishop Walk Into a Bar...

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know why I wrote this but it was fun. Hope you enjoy!

        "I still can't believe we're doing this," Saias muttered, but he'd already sipped at the wine and Lewyn took that as commitment to the cause.

        "Huh." Seliph's grimace matched Saias's after both of their first sips, and the blue-haired swordsman swished the dark red liquid in the cup carefully. "You know, for something that people can't stop drinking, I thought it would taste better."

        "Askr's specialty doesn't lie in it's wine," Lewyn informed both of them, leaving off playing his lute to take a sip of the drink the waitress had poured. Shaking his head afterwards but not mimicking the boys' grimaces. "Flat. See, Velthomer has their spiced wine down to almost an exact science, it's almost always a beautiful experience to drink that. This hasn't been aged enough, I think. We'll have to see if the others are any better."

        "So this was why you insisted we try everything on the menu." Saias actually rolled his eyes, and Lewyn grinned. "You realize that Seliph and I likely have next to no alcohol tolerance, yes?"

        "I will drag you both back to our room with no regrets if I must." He returned to strumming the lute, looking out over the crowd in the tavern. There were several different sorts here, so in the plain clothing of Askr that all three of them wore, no one would mistake them for anything but a bunch of lordlings out trying something new if they squinted hard enough. "You in particular need to wind down, Saias, and we're in a safe enough environment that you two are allowed to get completely smashed."

        They both gave him a look, and he chuckled in response. He'd never seen Deirdre shoot something so cutting towards anyone, but perhaps Duchess Velthomer had been different. "I don't think I want to finish this. We have gold to spare though, apparently?" Seliph gently shoved the drink towards the center of the table and Lewyn waved to get a maid's attention.

        "Yes. Believe it or not, I'm pretty good at scraping up coin, and Kiran fully endorsed this little adventure, so I got a substantial amount from them."

        "Of  _course_ they did," Saias grumbled, glaring down at the table now, and Seliph's expression softened just a bit. 

        "Three shots of malt whiskey," Lewyn told the maid, waiting until she'd scurried off to turn his attention to the younger men at the table. "Come now, no need to be so grumpy about it all. We have a deal after all."

        "One that you will uphold," Saias replied, some semblance of his father's stern nature shining through his sullenness for a moment. "I don't intend to make this a habit."

        "I would not be encouraging it if you were. Trying something new is healthy, being consumed by that something isn't. Just try to relax a little and enjoy it alright?"

        "Maybe if it tastes better," Seliph replied lightly and Lewyn pulled a face at him. The young man was far better at these sorts of comebacks than either of his parents ever had been, something that Lewyn found fascinating at times and extremely irritating at others. "Though from what I've heard from Ares, whiskey isn't supposed to taste great, it just has this kick."

        "Ares," Lewyn repeated. "You've mentioned him before. Eldigan's son, right?"

        "Yup. I don't think he's ever had whiskey, but I wouldn't put it past Lene to tell him." Seliph gave a slight shrug. "Lene's mother's name was Silvia, if that means anything to you."

        Lewyn blinked. Oh, he definitely remembered that name. Didn't think he'd ever be able to forget it after all he and she had been through together. "Would Lene happen to be a dancer?" Seliph nodded. "Probably for the best what with how the situation escalated after Belhalla, Silvia was one of the most talented dancers I'd ever met even if she was far too young to be doing such things," he sighed.

        "She did ask you once if you knew her mother, now that I think on it." All three of them looked up when the waitress came back with their drinks. Pretty tiny shot glasses filled with amber-ish liquid, and Seliph waited until Lewyn passed her a note with the rest of their orders and she headed off to pick up his shot glass and elaborate further. "You were pretty vague but said much the same thing that you did here. I'd forgotten."

        "I can hardly expect you to remember every single conversation you've overheard me having with other people, Seliph." Lewyn gave a carefree shrug, but the thought of 15-years-hence Lewyn having a conversation with Sylvia's daughter wasn't exactly sitting well with him. Seliph hadn't been very forthcoming with details about his tactician, and Lewyn knew that looking into the future was probably a bad idea. It still made him uncomfortable whenever future him was brought up, especially with what little details Seliph  _had_ let slip. 

        He took the shot and tossed it back. Oof. Yeah, that had a kick that made his eyes water slightly, but still... wasn't nearly as bad as some drinks he'd had. "Think there's a chance we'll be seeing Lene here? I know Ares can be summoned, I'm pretty sure I've run into him a couple of times. Eldigan has some very memorable features that his son inherited."

        "I believe so." Seliph took his own shot, and then coughed, putting a hand on his chest. "Oh sweet Naga, that burns. If Ares can come here, I've no doubts that Lene can. Hooo..."

        "They got married at the end of everything, didn't they?" Saias questioned, eyeing his own glass warily. 

        Seliph nodded. "I was summoned a couple weeks after the end, so I don't know how they're really doing, but..."

        "It was two days for me." Saias finally took the shot and promptly began coughing as well. "Oh good gods."

        "Remind me to never make you two try Silessian firewater," Lewyn snorted.

        "Please no." Saias shook his head vehemently before blinking somewhat dizzily and putting a hand up to his temple. "Even I've heard about Silessian firewater. Isn't it supposed to be able to knock out a horse?"

        "I've never seen it do so." Lewyn smiled. "But that's what the rumors say in any case." The maid came back with some shots of beer and other assorted drinks, looking a bit concerned. For good reason, but there weren't that many different types of Askran drinks, and Lewyn had a pretty good idea of how much he could drink before he wouldn't be able to drag himself back along with the other two. "Thank you." He winked at her, and she blushed, scurrying off. 

        "Honestly. What would Celica say?" Seliph scolded, but the tone was teasing.

        "I am allowed to give compliments and winks outside of strictly romantic relationships," Lewyn scoffed. "She is aware of this. You could stand to loosen up around women, you know."

        Saias gave a noncommittal hum at those words, but Seliph flushed slightly at the look that the young bishop was giving him. "Lucina and I aren't... like that," he protested. "We just have a lot in common."

        "Ced told me that's why you liked Tine." 

        Seliph's blush grew deeper and he turned away slightly. "We never got that involved with each other either," he muttered. "Ced talks too much."

        "Oh does he?" Lewyn arched an eyebrow, letting his chin rest in his hand. Seliph picked up another shot with a sigh. "You can't just mention my son and leave it hanging like that." 

        "Yes, I can." There was something apologetic but firm in the young man's tone, and he drank the glass down, grimacing. "I just... forgot something important is all."  _And what exactly would that be?_  "Speaking of the future and girls that we are not romantically involved with, we should probably talk about Mareeta."

        Lewyn gently, physically bit his tongue, watching Saias's expression darken again. This was the reason they were out here in the first place, his questions did not matter, even if Seliph's control over his tongue was already beginning to slip. Even if his curiosity was _screaming_ at him and the dark magic scars that were lurking just beneath his skin were beginning to itch. He resisted the urge to pick up another drink, he'd had enough of running from his problems. "It's not a big deal," Saias muttered, taking one of the drinks himself.

        "It is to you," Seliph pointed out, and though he was obviously a more than a little affected by this point, his voice was still steady. "You know she turns out fine."

        "It's still not fair that she has to be constantly struggling with that sword when I know that I can help with it, though." Saias took a sharp breath, sipping at the drink rather than drinking it all at once. Grimacing at the taste and shoving the glass across the table. "Or rather I used to be able to. I don't understand the laws of this land, and I understand Kiran even less."

        "Well, you're helping her a bit," Seliph replied quietly. "Which is more than any of the rest of us say, even if her mind is only temporarily clear, you make it easier for her to trust herself and actually have a life outside that accursed forest."

        "Temporarily." Saias huffed softly, picking up another one of the drinks. "I know, I... I just feel as though I'm not doing enough."

        "You're doing your best," Lewyn offered. "Honestly, Saias, that's all any of us are asking for."

        "You know better than any of us that while sometimes your best isn't enough, it's still something." Seliph's shoulders had slumped slightly, and there was a slight shine in his blue eyes as he stared out across the drinks on the table. "You know she turns out fine."

        His voice was barely above a whisper. Saias looked at him, and something seemed to click despite the alcohol. "We're both thinking of the same thing, then," he murmured, and then he sighed, reaching across the table to take Seliph's hand. "I'm sorry. I don't... mean to bring up such thoughts. And who knows? Perhaps she'll turn out more like Lyon than Kiran predicted."

        Seliph gave a small nod. "That's the spirit." Lewyn gave a small smile. "We're not asking you to get over your sudden nerfing completely, Saias, but still, you're extremely valuable to Askr. Don't be selling yourself short."

        "This is what this is about, isn't it?" Seliph huffed an almost irritated sigh, pinching the bridge of his nose. "We wouldn't talk about this so you hauled us out here."

        "That... actually makes sense." Saias blinked, then gave Lewyn a slight glare. "We are adults, you know. We're-"

        "Perfectly capable of solving your problems on your own?" Lewyn gave a slight grin before dropping it. "The last week begs to differ. You've been a self-contained storm cloud, Seliph is too nice to bring up topics that would have cleared the air, and I hardly need so much negativity in my life. Alcohol tends to bring down boundaries. Though I do still want you to try all of these." He let his grin creep back. "Experience." And maybe he could get some answers of his own.

-

        He didn't.

        Seliph was a surprisingly morose drunk, good at keeping his head and staying quiet, and while Saias was more talkative and hyperactive than Lewyn had ever seen him, they had an odd conversation about the gods rather than the future, something that the bishop likely needed if he even remembered it in the morning. Lewyn highly doubted that he would, he'd passed out at this point. Saias hadn't known him in the future anyways, so...

        Lewyn sighed as they walked down the street back to the castle proper, carrying Saias with that worrying amount of strength he'd had ever since coming to Askr, wind flitting about him slightly. " _Alas, my lo-ove, you do me wrong, to cast me o-off discourteously-_ "

        "Lewyn," Seliph interrupted, swaying slightly and blinking. "Why are you a bard?"

        "Ah... I never told you?"

        "I... knew why you were a bard. But I never... never... um."

        "Careful." Lewyn very carefully adjusted his hold on Saias to take hold of the back of Seliph's tunic as the boy stumbled. Saias mumbled, curling closer and his fingers curling around the fabric of Lewyn's tunic. "Wouldn't my reasons be the same now as they were then?"

        "No." Seliph took a far steadier step forward. "Why... did you _become_ a bard? That's my question."

        "Because I didn't want a civil war to break out, I didn't want to be a king, and I loved music," Lewyn replied, tilting his head. "Why else would I be a bard?"

        Seliph met his gaze, something like steel behind the alcohol-induced fog. "Because that was what the world needed."

        The words seemed to reverberate in his head, and the wind picked up just slightly around them. Seliph turned away and began walking again, and Lewyn fell into step besides him. "...You're talking about your sister, right? Even if I hadn't found her-"

        "It had to be you." Seliph reached up, carefully taking out the tie to his hair and letting it hang loose. "The world needed... a bard... more than it needed a king. A wanderer more than a father. I've... thought about this a lot. Ced and Fee would disagree but... I don't know." He bit his lip, his steady voice quavering now and slurring slightly. "I don't know, Lewyn."

        "Don't... don't stress yourself out over it, it's fine. I can't carry both of you." It was about as clear as mud, the boy was still being frustratingly vague, but his steps were growing unsteady again. The wind itself seeming to be what was keeping him up. Lewyn wondered if he was more drunk than he'd thought.

        They continued on in silence, the wind playing gently with Seliph's hair and Lewyn's scarf until Lewyn began singing again to fill the silence. " _To a world so broken I'm coming, a world that could be home if it only were whole..._ "

-

        The next thing that Lewyn was really aware of was rapping on the door and a slight headache that told him  _yes, you idiot, you had just a little too much to drink last night._  "Lewyn!" a voice he had become _very_ familiar with over the past few months called. "Lewyn, it's time for breakfast!"

        "Urrrrgh- coming, Celica," he called back, sitting up and carefully hopping off of his top bunk. There was an irritated noise from Saias's bunk, and he turned to see the bishop burying himself under the covers. His boots were off and near the bed- okay, good, he'd managed to get the both boys into bed even if they were both fully dressed outside the boots and Seliph's hair tie. Seliph was still out cold, face buried in his pillow.

        There was another impatient knock. "You're sure you're coming?"

        "Yes," he replied, quickly moving to put his own boots as there was an almost feral hiss from Saias. "I'll be out soon." He felt eyes, and a chill went up his spine. "Go back to sleep, Saias. Look, I'll even bring you both break-"

        "I don't want  _anything_ from you," Saias snapped, and Seliph actually stirred slightly, groaning. "I'm fairly certain your  _help_ is why I feel like I got trampled in the first place."

        Lewyn looked towards him incredulously. "Holy talons of dragons, I didn't know that you were actually capable of showing your temper."

        That was the wrong thing to say. Lewyn blamed the hangover and being half-asleep for letting that slip past his mouth as he ducked the tome that was thrown at his face and ran for the door. "May all your bacon burn!" Saias snarled as Lewyn slammed the door and Seliph mumbled something like a complaint. 

        Celica looked at the door, red eyes wide, and then looked at him. "What did you  _do?_ " 

        "I made mistakes," Lewyn admitted. 

        "I mean... obviously." She frowned, and the concern caused him to smile wryly. "Is Saias okay?"

        "He just has a bit of a hangover, I think I have some things to do after breakfast, so hopefully Kiran doesn't need us for anything right away." Lewyn pushed off of the door. "I don't think I've ever woken up this quickly in the morning though."

        "I thought I smelled alcohol." Celica sighed, taking his arm and dragging him towards the dining hall. "You need a bath, and they probably do too."

        "Is it that bad?" Lewyn sniffed at his scarf, and grimaced at the faint smell of whiskey. "Ah, we're eating with Leonster anyways. Only people who'll give me weird looks are Alm, Faye, Kags and Fjorm."

        "The rest are used to this, I assume." Celica rolled her eyes, looking at him fully. "Was this some... I don't know..."

        "Extremely ill-advised attempt of clearing the air in that room? Yes." He leaned in, pecking her cheek. "I'm sorry," he murmured. "I didn't mean to bring up bad memories."

        She smiled lightly, her gaze softening as she squeezed his hand. "It's not a big deal. It sounds like Saias is going to be railing on you later though..." she giggled. "I've never heard him so angry."

        "Me neither. I hope I never have to witness it again," Lewyn huffed, and her giggle grew to full-on laughter as she let her hand slide down his arm and their fingers locked. All things considered, this wasn't a terrible start to his day.

-

        He spoke too soon.

        "I don't understand," the butler, Jakob, said flatly as he stared at the blackened bacon. "This is my third attempt, and I watched it like a hawk. I blinked, and it was black."

        Lewyn heaved a sigh, ignoring Quan laughing into his hand at the other end of the table and Tailtiu's stare. "Celica, remind me to never, ever incur Saias's wrath again. Also to tell him to be careful where he's throwing holy vengeance."

        "Will do." She was laughing too. Traitor. Lewyn shook his head at her and then told Jakob not to worry about the bacon, eggs would be just fine for him this morning. On the bright side, hopefully this would convince Saias that his connection to Bragi wasn't nearly as insignificant as he'd thought. Murdering breakfast was a pretty powerful ability.


End file.
